Michael asked me to slow down the process. Out of respect for him, I did, and now it seems to be going nowhere. I know I need to just serve the papers, but I still feel bad for hurting him. I always have. I always wanted to make it work. Now he's acting like he understands and wants to try too. But it's too little too late. I just don't have the heart to tell him. He did this when we initially broke up a year ago and I wished more than once that I had stayed away. He hadn't changed then and he won't change now. He just bullshitted me because he didn't want me to be with anyone else, not necessarily because he wanted to be with me. I just need to take my money to the lawyer and it's done.
I have lost sleep. I've been lonely and wary of the future. I've been scared and unsure and horny and frustrated and confused. I've wondered why I'm doing this to myself, my son. I've thought about giving in and going back to what is familiar and comfortable and easy. But if I learned anything from high school, it was in marching band. In order to achieve Great, you have to be willing to let go of Good.
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